How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
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