Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
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