What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.