Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
A friend failed his medical exam when he X-rayed his lower torso.
He didn’t put his heart into it.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
My son asked me why our sailboat is named Blood
I yelled back: "Because it’s a bloody vessel!"
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
"Bone to be wild."
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
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