My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I hate going to the doctor because all he does is suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
"Lazy bones."
The head surgeon shouted at me for accidentally severing the patient's spine.
I think I struck a nerve.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
The sound of my bones really cracks me up.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
6:30 is hands down the best time on a clock
"Dying to have fun."
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
Go to BabaMail
