Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
So a man walked up to me and placed some soil, plant seeds and fertilizer on my head.
It was annoying at first, but I think it grew on me.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
You’re my heartthrob.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
My cranium is empty. I'm running bone-dry here.