What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
"Dying to have fun."
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
What do you call a funny bone?
A humerus.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What is a skeletons favorite meal?
Anything with Ribs.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Why does the skeleton wear skinny jeans?
Because it’s got a marrow waistline.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
What does a skeleton play in a band?
A Trom-Bone.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
I think my back hurts. I'm okay though.
It's spine.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
"No body won the skeleton race."
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
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