"Dying to have fun."
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
"Some people have no guts."
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
"No body won the skeleton race."
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
"Bugs and hisses."
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
I think I'm getting curvature of the spine...
I haven't seen a doctor yet, it's just a hunch.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.