Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
I tried my hand at cinematography, but it didn't really pan out.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a barbecued, blood-sucking insect?
Mesquite-o.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
I’m directing a play about a boy who broke his arm.
You should see the cast.
What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
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