Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
"No body won the skeleton race."
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
My friend always sleeps with his head on a bag of rice
He said it was a type of pilau.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
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