I didn't think the doctor would fix the curve in my spine
But now I stand corrected.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?
Your spine.
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
"Bone to be wild."
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?
A glia club.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
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