What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
What do neurons do on their birthdays?
They cell-ebrate
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
When I was young, my dad used to throw quarters at my head whenever I acted up.
He said, “Maybe this’ll knock some scents into you.”
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I like to reminisce about the surgeon who removed my spine.
Really takes me back.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me My wish would have far reaching consequences.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
"Dying to have fun."
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I'll fight you with my bear hands.
Oh, deer.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
Go to BabaMail
