Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
My family visited a rude psychic, with degenerative bone disease, who insisted all of us had bad breath.
She was a super callous fragile mystic expecting halitosis.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
A quick pick-me-up.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...
She was takin' a back when taken aback!
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
What is a skeleton’s favorite plant?
A bone-zai tree.
I went to the hospital for chest pains but the doctor kept inspecting my spine.
This place is back wards.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
My mom always says that the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart. That’s why she is a bad surgeon.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”