What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.