Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Wish upon a starfish.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Go big or go gnome.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
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