What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Fishing you a happy day.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Fairies just spell trouble.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
We were mermaid for each other.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
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