When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
You mermaid to go far.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I think you're mer-mazing.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Fishing you a happy day.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
You are shrimply the best!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Shes a fairy realistic person.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Fairies just spell trouble.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.