What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
We were mermaid for each other.
Shell-abrate the good times!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Fishing you a happy day.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
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