“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Wish upon a starfish.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
You mermaid to go far.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
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