I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Wish upon a starfish.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
We were mermaid for each other.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
I love you so fairy much.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
You mermaid to go far.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I think you're mer-mazing.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Go big or go gnome.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
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