Jokes that are either one liners, puns, knock knock jokes or funny pick up lines as well as some funny insults and comebacks.

Short Jokes

A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee I slept with yo mama now it burns when I pee.
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work.
They finally went with mine.
"I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said.
"No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover more holes in our wall."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now, let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier.
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bulls**t around your lips.
Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
You're so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.
Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.
If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.
If you really spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to you joke on Wednesday.
All day I thought of you... I was at the zoo.
Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?
You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.
Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives, you should go get one.