When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
The fact that I've met you shows that God loves me.
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Nice Ass-teroid.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
I would hate to see you go, but I love watching your leaves.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Are you tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you...
I'd start thinking about you.
Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell.
It was the wurst.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
I thought Happiness starts with H. But why does mine starts with U.
Why do skeletons never move?
Because they have too much Skelatonin.
Something in the way you move attracts me like no other
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
The comedian ghost had everyone in stitches - he was dead funny.
You know what they say... Big Feet.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
Thanksgiving is my favorite feast.
The table's set, the napkins creased.
We always have a great big crowd
With uncles, aunts and children loud.
The grownups shoo us to our chairs
With pushing hands and parent stares.
We wait to eat -- but this part's quirky.
Our main dish is never, ever turkey!
Our grandpa will not eat this bird.
On this he gave his solemn word.
Years ago when he was young,
He vowed it not to pass his tongue.
As a boy, he lived beside
The rolling Polish countryside.
The turkeys (this is so unkind)
Would chase and bite his small behind.
So even though it's quite the norm,
He shuns the bird in every form.
I understand how grandpa feels
And how it's changed his life-long meals.
But me, I'd rather take attack.
Once a year, I'd bite them back!
- Denise Rodgers
I wasted my time on a vasectomy.
All it seemed to do was change the color of the baby.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Go to BabaMail
