Short Jokes

Jokes that are either one liners, puns, knock knock jokes or funny pick up lines as well as some funny insults and comebacks.

What did the painter say to his wife? "I love you with all my art!"
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What do you say when you catch a bee? Behold!
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
Wanna know how I know we're going to have sex? Because I'm stronger.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
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