So, you have come to the civilized section of Chess Puns. Check it out, mate...

What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
My exotic bird challenged me to a game of chess
I told him, "Toucan play at that game."
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
"Reti or not, here I come!"
My last chess game went a bit medieval.
We both went for the castle.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What is the favorite chess move of ants with bladder problems?
En pissant.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
I left chess club early this week.
I was just so board.
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
"Check, mate."

"Checkmate."

"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.