Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
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