What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
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