Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."