What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
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