How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
This foundation is rock salad.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Go to BabaMail
