What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.