Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
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