“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
How busy was the donuts day? It was jam packed!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
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