What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
"Two potatos are standing on a corner, how can you tell which one is a prostitute?" "The one that says IDAHO!"
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
"It's wine o'clock."
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
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