Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
"Say you'll be wine."
"Partners in wine."
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
"Here for the right riesling."
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
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