Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
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