When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
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