What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.