What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
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