I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
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