What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
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