My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.