Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!