How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
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