How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
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