How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.