Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
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