What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
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