I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.