Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.