What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
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