What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A sad bullet comes home to his family. "Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?" "I got fired."
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man? The knife has a point.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops. Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said: “This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns? Go for the juggler.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo. The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain. Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth? A pairing knife
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business. He made some excellent points.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils? Fork Knife.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm... Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!” He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?" Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What gun does a military chef use? A salt rifle.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met? Uzi?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun? Lambo.
What kind of gun would a cat have? A Mauser.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun? Catch-22.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"? That's a loaded Question
A functional gun shoots While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call babies with guns? Infantry.
What was Jesus Christ's least favourite gun? A nail gun.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup? Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you. You have died from dissin' Terry.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.