Tool Puns

Don't a tool, read funny puns about tools instead!

Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
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