A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.