My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
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