A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
I went to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Go to BabaMail
