Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
why was the ship called 3.14
because it was full of π-rates.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
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