I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
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