Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
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