My fire tonight...
Was lit!
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
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