We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly's girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
Went to ask my girlfriend's father for his daughter's hand in marriage.
He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!"
I thought long and hard, and eventually said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"
The wedding is next month.
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
My sister asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall”
I said maybe.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner had a baby girl.
They named her Paige, and they just couldn't put her down.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
I have a spouse in a different nation.
The Imagination.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
In my grandparents time, an orange was considered a treat from Santa. Now kids want an apple.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
Why do you get less caviar out of a fish with nieces and nephews?
Because it's in a fish aunt.
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did the wife mushroom say to her husband?
“You’re a fungi!”
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
Why didn’t my husband laugh at my awesome ice cream joke?
Because he was laughtose intolerant.
My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
Go to BabaMail
