What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
My niece called my antisocial
I corrected her with "no, I'm uncle social" Then pointed to my sister and called her auntisocial.
I'm very proud of my family for owning such a musical property.
We live in A flat.
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
All three said No!
My children got their good looks from their mother.
I kept mine.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
What does your little sibling and Q have in common?
They will always rely on U.
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
Did you hear about the couple that split up over coffee?
The lawyer said there were grounds for divorce.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
Therapist: You have acute marriage phobia. Do you understand the symptoms?
Me: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
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