What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
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