The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry?
He wanted to be a little boulder.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
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