People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Biology - It grows on you.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
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