What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light years.
Why did the geologist go on a date to the quarry? He wanted to be a little boulder.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
When does a medieval soldier sleep? Knight time
Did you hear about the viking cannibal? He had a Swede-tooth.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer: "Achoo, Brute?"
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages? Because there were so many knights.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital? All they have is IVs!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine? ... Russian.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic. His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer? Bone-chilling.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight? When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night. It went OK.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called? Climax.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews? People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie? A: Quit ragging me out!
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb? Normally three, but Toucan.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What type of food do mummies like? Chicken wraps.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful... But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt? A Cairopractor.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car? Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party? Because you can’t drink and derive…
My friends and I are starting a disco group. We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador. We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant. Its called Eel-on Musk.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!" So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone? He charged it.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public? Get a tomb!
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most? When sparks fly.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television? HDMI
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up? I'm so over you!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to? His mummy.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut? With little Caesar's.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5? Because they can’t even.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar? Hail Caesar You're my romeboy.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam? No fracking way!
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance? A hot plate.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.