In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
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