Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.