Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
My computer was running pretty hot
Until I downloaded some fan art, and now it's working better.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
Dancing Queen used to have a lot of profanity in its lyrics, but after computers became common
No-one needed an ABBA cuss
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What did the WiFi router say when it was unplugged?
"Tell my wifi love her
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
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