It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Computers can be very good at golf because of their hard drives.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
What type of blood does a keyboard have?
What happens when you cross a cell phone with a skunk?
You get stinky service!
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
My computer wants to build a snowman.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
I'm not like other keyboards...
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.