Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Does your computer constantly and annoyingly have tons of updates to install?
Of course it does. Software needs to get better over a number of years and you can't rush the progress.
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
My cell phone got drunk.
It took too many screenshots.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.