My dad told me he’s not gonna eat my deviled eggs this thanksgiving.
He told me they’re possessed.
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead."
My dad died on Thanksgiving whilst eating dinner.
Fowl play was suspected.
Why wasn't the taxidermist invited to Thanksgiving dinner?
No one wanted to try his stuffing
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
My friend finally overcame his addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
He quit cold turkey.
What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
Grandmother is making the dressing, and is adding several cans of Chicken Broth.
Dad: "You know where you can get that broth in bulk?"
Grandmother: "Where?"
Dad: "The stock market."
He was promptly kicked out of the kitchen.
Did you know Def Leppard's drummer makes the best Thanksgiving guest?
He only ever needs one drumstick.
What happens when you die after Thanksgiving?
You go to Gravy Jones' Locker
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed!
On Thanksgiving, why did the turkey cross the table?
To get to the other sides.
Why did Prince Charming take the Thanksgiving Turkey to the ball instead of Cinderella?
The turkey was already dressed.
My neighbor drank so much gravy on a Thanksgiving Day dare that he choked to death.
He went from the ladle to the grave.
I was prepping the raw turkey for Thanksgiving dinner
It was fowl.
What do people in New Mexico eat on thanksgiving?
an Albuturquey
If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey who tried to escape the roasting pan?
He was foiled.
Which country hates Thanksgiving?
Turkey
What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing!
What is a mathematician's favorite part of a big Thanksgiving feast?
Pumpkin pi.
A guy ate only metal bars for thanksgiving
He was gratefull
Are you enjoying your sweet potatoes this Thanksgiving?
I know I yam!
My Aunt with half a plate left: I don't think I can eat anymore, this meat is just not appealing to me.
Me: Have a potato, it has a peal.
What did the brick road say on thanksgiving?
Cobble cobble cobble!
At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Hey son, do you know why the pilgrims ate biscuits at the first Thanksgiving?
Because they had a boatload of May-flour.
What was Peppa Pig's family doing on Thanksgiving?
They were bacon stuff.
I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and my wife said, “These potatoes are burnt to a crisp!”
I said, “It’s for tomorrow.”
Her: Huh?
Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.
I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
Made a whole bunch of dad jokes at Thanksgiving dinner...
I pulled out all the Pops!
What's a dancer's favorite Thanksgiving food?
Twerky
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