What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I couldn't chair less!
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Nothing really mattress.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.