How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Nothing really mattress.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I couldn't chair less!
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
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