I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
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