Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
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