What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
Nothing really mattress.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
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