The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I couldn't chair less!
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.