If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I couldn't chair less!
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
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