Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
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