I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
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