What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I couldn't chair less!
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
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