Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Nothing really mattress.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
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