I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I couldn't chair less!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
Nothing really mattress.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.