Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
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