Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
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