Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
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