I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"