Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
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