What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
More candles means a bigger wish!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
They say everything gets better with age.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
You are aged to perfection.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
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