Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
They say everything gets better with age.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You are aged to perfection.
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