My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
More candles means a bigger wish!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You are aged to perfection.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
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