I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
More candles means a bigger wish!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
They say everything gets better with age.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
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