You feta have a gouda birthday.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
They say everything gets better with age.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.