Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
You are aged to perfection.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
They say everything gets better with age.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!