I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
More candles means a bigger wish!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.