I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
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