I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
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