Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
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