Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
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