Halloween Puns

Welcome to the spookiest puns we have... welcome to HALLOWEEN PUNS!

I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"

I replied, "Exactly!"
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
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