We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.