I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
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