What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!