A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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