What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Go to BabaMail
