What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
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