Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
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