I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Why did the old man hate living next to the tennis courts?
He couldn't stand all the racket!
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Where does a fisherman go to get his hair cut?
The fisherman goes to a bobber shop!
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
By the seat of one’s punt
We’re trying to pool off the party of the summer.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
What do you call heels on ski boots?
Ski lifts.
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
Why don't skeletons ski the black diamond runs at Copper Mountain?
They've got soul, but they just don't have the heart for it.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
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