My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
When she saw all the madness around her, March said, “what’s all that bracket”.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
Why wasn’t the little pumpkin allowed to swim?
There was no life gourd on duty!
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
Which violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?
Ghoul tending.
Why did the volleyball player not want to travel? Because he had been there and dug that.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
Guy: Have you ever been fishing before? Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
The bowling team of which I am captain is known lightning. This is because we get countless strikes.
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
Their soccer team and the US navy had one thing in common, they both spent over $50 million on a sub.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
What is the worst advice a coach could ever give to a nude volleyball team? Play hard.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
I hate when I have to stop scuba diving
If makes me deep-pressed
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
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