What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!