Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
It's lunchtime and the newcomer at my workplace is on a plane to India
Turns out, someone told him that the nearby Delhi has the best sandwiches
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
Why do the propellers of a plane go around and around?
To keep the pilot cool because if they stopped, man would he sweat
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
You never realize how time flies when you are not wearing a watch on a plane.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I lost the case
Every single person on my flight was reading at the same time.
The plane was fully booked.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane chocolate
If you travel to the future and get decapitated
You'd be ahead of your time
Checking in for a flight, I was asked, "Window or Aisle?"
I said, "Window or you'll do what?
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns.
I think it may be terminal
My son asked me how often planes crash
Usually just once
I think there'll be a ferry-tale ending to this trip.
I've just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
I just flew on a plane with an all female flight crew.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
What did the beach say to the water? "I need some vitamin sea."
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
Prague is my number one choice for a dream destination...
Dying to Czech it out
No one can accuse this trip of being plane.