I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
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