Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
Car puns are really tiring
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
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