What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
‪My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬
‪I hope this will not surface again‬
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.