I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Car puns are really tiring
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
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