Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Car puns are really tiring
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
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