I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
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