Why don’t cars enjoy long drives?
They find them a drag.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
A man is wanted for stealing tires off of cop cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why did the bus driver take a break? He needed to 'stop' and refuel!
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
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