How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I don’t remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I Captain.
When I asked the bus driver for directions, it was a 'bus stop' service!
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
A truck carrying Lego got into an accident on the motorway. No one knows what happened; the authorities are still trying to piece everything together.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Anyone who is born in a car and dies outside is known as car born die oxide.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Have you heard about the guy who stole a truck carrying supplies of disinfectant? Police say he made a clean getaway.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
I had a nasty crash with a truck carrying construction equipment the other day. It really hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
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