It's So Cold Funny One-Liners!

It was a very cold winter, and for this reason, and because it makes us laugh out loud, we've made a collection of funny one liners that all start with... "It's so cold..". So bundle up and prepare to laugh!

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
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