Bible Puns

Welcome to Bible Puns, God bless.

Need an ark?
I noah guy.
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blond hair.
We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.
After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Which servant of God was the worst lawbreaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
Quackers
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark?
They were using fowl language.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
Ruthless.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
What car make did the Apostles drive?
Honda… because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What sort of lights were on Noah’s Ark?
Flood lights.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
If Moses were alive today, why would he be considered a remarkable man?
Because he would be several thousand years old.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car?
A convertible.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns.
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
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