What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
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