Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
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