How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
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