What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
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