What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
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