47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving

Driving is a big part of most people's lives. Some spend hours every day in their car. There are many things that only happen when you're driving, and the funniest quotes about driving from the wittiest minds have all hauled themselves here. So give it some gas and let's go!

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Until you’ve learned to drive, you’ve never really learned how to swear.”
— Robert Paul
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“A tourist is a fellow who drives thousands of miles so he can be photographed standing in front of his car.”
– Emile Ganest
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
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