What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
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