A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
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