A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.