Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
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