A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
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