All aboard the best Train Puns this side of the wild internet!

I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
What do you call a person that’s sexually attracted to trains?
A tramsexual.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.



A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.