Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
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