So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I saw a sign today that made me piss myself.....It said,
"Toilets Closed"
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call a squirt gun with urine in it...
A piss-tol
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Broke my arm and ended up in hospital. The doctor told me she would have to take a urine sample.
I asked her if she was taking the piss.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
Go to BabaMail
