Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.