Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!