Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
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