I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
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