What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Only a**holes use bidets.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
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