I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
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