My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
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