I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
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