My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Go to BabaMail
