Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.