I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
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