What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
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