Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Go to BabaMail
