Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
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