I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.