Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Go to BabaMail
