I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.