If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
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