What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
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