What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What does a house wear?
Address.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
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