Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What does a house wear?
Address.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
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