Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
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