Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What does a house wear?
Address.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
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