Real Estate Puns

These puns are proof that real estate agents do have a sense of humor!

What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What does a house wear?
Address.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
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