What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What does a house wear?
Address.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
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