The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What does a house wear?
Address.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!