What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
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