How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
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