The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What concert costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
All stereos are so typical.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
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