How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
They got no soul.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
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