What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Trumpester: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
What musical group do men join once they get married?
The Hus Band!
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
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