What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...
It’s quite the CoNunDrum
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What's an owl's favorite rock band?
The Who
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
All my neighbours bought the same set of stereos...
When will they stop stereotyping?
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
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