What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
I heard Placebo on the radio. I actually thought it was The Cure.
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
What does a trumpet and a baseball have in common? People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
What’s a golf clubs favorite type of music?
Swing.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
I saw a Jazz band last night, but they really sucked...
They really saxophoned it in.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
What happened when the guitars got in a fight?
They got in treble.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
What do you call a police officer who plays the drums?
A beat cop.