Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
Why did the burglars decide to rob a music store?
For the lute.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff...
Badum chhh
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What's a bipolar person's favorite type of music? Swing.
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
A friend of mine told me he’d give me a radio that had no batteries. I think it’s a wind-up.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
My priest fired me from playing guitar with the choir.
Apparently it’s blasphemous to play a Gsus2 chord.
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?
A hootenanny.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
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