Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
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