Animal Puns

Animals and puns are two terrific things. Put them together and things get really punny!

How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
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