Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
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