My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
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