What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
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