Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
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