How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
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