I’m very frond of you.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
I beg your garden?
In the eyes of the lawn.
That’s a bit mulch.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Let me plant one on ya!
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
You’re unbeleafable.
Don’t moss around.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
One more thyme.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Trowel and error.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Long thyme no see.
I’m kind of a big dill.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Have you botany plants lately?
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
All things must grass.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
It’s party thyme.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
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