What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
You’re unbeleafable.
That’s a bit mulch.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Leaf me alone.
We’re mint to be.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Herb your enthusiasm.
Don’t moss around.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
I beg your garden?
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Trowel and error.
One more thyme.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Long thyme no see.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Let me plant one on ya!
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
I’ll never leaf you.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
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