Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
You’re unbeleafable.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Don’t moss around.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I beg your garden?
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Let me plant one on ya!
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I beg your garden?
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Trowel and error.
All things must grass.
Seed between the lines.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
That’s a bit mulch.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Ants in your plants.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
In on the ground flora.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
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