If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
I’m rooting for you!
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
I’m very frond of you.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Leaf me alone.
One trick peony.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Have you botany plants lately?
Seed between the lines.
One more thyme.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
In on the ground flora.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
That’s a bit mulch.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
It’s party thyme.
We’re mint to be.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
In the eyes of the lawn.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I beg your garden?
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Go to BabaMail
