Let me plant one on ya!
Seed between the lines.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
All things must grass.
Long thyme no see.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Your good weed for the day.
I’ll never leaf you.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I’m very frond of you.
Leaf me alone.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
That’s a bit mulch.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
One trick peony.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
All clover the world.
In on the ground flora.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
It’s party thyme.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
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