What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Leaf me alone.
I’m kind of a big dill.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
All clover the world.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Your good weed for the day.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
I’m rooting for you!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Have you botany plants lately?
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
Ants in your plants.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
Don’t moss around.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
In the eyes of the lawn.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
I’m very frond of you.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I beg your garden?
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
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