I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
How do you know you are a Master Gardener?
There is a decorative compost container on your kitchen counter.
You would rather go to a nursery to shop than a clothing store.
You prefer gardening to watching television.
You plan vacation trips to arboretums and public parks.
Dirt under your fingernails and calloused palms are matters of pride.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Have you botany plants lately?
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Long thyme no see.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
In on the ground flora.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
I’m rooting for you!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
We’re mint to be.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Your good seed for the day.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Go to BabaMail
