A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Your good weed for the day.
Do you know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
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