A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
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