All our puns are here, and it's gonna get punny...

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why couldn't the boy run away with the farmer's daughter?
They were cantaloupe farmers.
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you... I have good contacts!
What are the best kind of flowers to get your girlfriend after screwing up?
Whoopsie Daisies
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!
I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.
As if people don't know what a yacht is for.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What did the patient say after that gave blood?
I feel drained.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
What do you call a blood vessel that's mad with power?
A Megalovieniac.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
Why are blood physicians so rich?
Because blood cells.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
What do you call a fraternity member who likes to drink the blood of goats?
A chupacabro.
My friend has an insect parasite that can't stop fidgeting as it sucks blood.
He has a nervous tick.
What do you call a crazy blood-sucking parasite?
A lunatick!
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"