What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
How rare is an excellent father?
Legen-daddy
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
"Love the wine you're with."
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
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