Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Get in the swim this summer.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What game do Ghost children play? Hide and shriek!
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
What do you call a pig that knows martial arts?
Pork Chop
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
"I'm dyeing to know what's up."
It takes one to snow one.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do you call a criminal vampire?
A fangster.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
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