Funny Puns

All our puns are here, and it's gonna get punny...

I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Water you doing on [date]?
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
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