Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
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