A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.