Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
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