Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
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