84 Funny Quotes About Food

Is there anything funny about food? Well, according to these devastatingly witty people - quite a bit! In this delightful funny quote collection, we've brought you more than 80 witty and funny quotes about food! Bon appetit...

How come abbreviated is such a long word?
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
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