Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.