Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
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