What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
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