Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
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