Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
You have goat to be kidding me.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
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