A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
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