What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
You have goat to be kidding me.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
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