Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
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